Conversation with an HP
Hello ladies and gents. In the spirit of [court ordered] full disclosure, I (Tom) thought I’d interview HP, from Zero Shared Nickels fame. So, here you go. I make no apologies.
Me: When did you come up with Zero Shared Nickels?
HP: Oh, I don’t even really know. I think in 2002, maybe? My senior year of high school. Felt like longer ago, though.
Me: Where did the site come from, initially?
HP: Back in high school my lame-ass friends and I had a lame-ass email ‘zine. We’d write once every few weeks, email it to like 30 people, and laugh like morons. Eventually I stopped doing that and it just kind of grew. It started as my portfolio website, but I began talking too much junk on it to associate it with a career, so I just use it to talk junk now.
Me: How about the site’s name?
HP: It’s all explained in the About ZSN section of the site. It basically runs down to a complicated way of saying “no common sense.” (PS, ask about how sexy I am)
Me: Out of curiosity, what made you decide to expand the operation to include another writer?
HP: Tom was an alcoholic and I felt he needed something to anchor him down to the real world lest he kill himself. That and I really wanted some variety and I think I have some funny friends. I’d love it if more people offered to write. I can only write so much and I wanted the site to start taking off, and I couldn’t do that without another pair of eyes.
Me: Speaking of the site taking off, there have been rumors that it has been gaining some very strong support in the “Hobo Cumshot” areas of the internet. Care to comment on that?
HP: Fag. Next question.
Me: Okay, what about accusations that your site is becoming little more than a literary fan service to the Internet Hobos that roam the cyber highways?
HP: It is not my fault that Tom like to write hobo fanfiction.
Me: So why haven’t you tried to stop him?
HP: We are trying to curb that.
Me: Ah, I see
HP: I plan on implementing a system wherein the word “hobo” or “homeless” is replaced with “h-” or “h-less”.
Me: That should present some interesting posts
HP: I hope it works retroactively.
Me: Since I have you here, people that don’t know you have been wondering: Where did The Apple come from, initially?
HP: What are you talking about? The Apple just found me. For now, She (in Her 3 year old candied apple form) rest peacefully in my closet in the Sociodome.
Me: How did you cross paths with her candied form?
HP: I met her in science class. The college cafeteria was having a fair night, so there were candied apples. I put one in a cup so it could survive the elements. About an hour into my science lab, I decided to eat the apple, but I couldn’t get it out.
I took it home with me with the intent of putting it in the microwave and blowing it to high hell. Then it was three weeks later, and I found myself drawn to it. This is when I realized what I had with me.
Me: And so you built and dedicated the site to her?
HP: It was a project for class, but it began to grow on it’s own.
Me: Okay, now for an ultimate question: Godzilla vs the monster from Cloverfield
HP: Godzilla. More experience, not a baby monster, can shoot fire so it has distance.
Me: What about the fact that the Cloverfield monster has all those weird little baby alien things dropping from it?
HP: Like fleas to Godzilla’s rough hide.
Me: Well, thank you for that lovely image
HP: Now ask me how sexy I am.
Me: Sighs How sexy are you?
HP: Very.
Me: Do the ladies all want you?
HP: That they do.
Me: And you don’t mind the beards that said “ladies” are so proficient in growing?
HP: Hey, they can look but they cannot touch.
Me: Ah…I see. Well, on that note, thank you very much for your time, HP. Have a lovely day.
HP: It will be dandy.
-Tom-