Interview with Napoleon
So last night I was visited in my dreams by Napoleon Bonaparte. I decided to ask him a few questions about his life and how he decided to make the choices he did. The transcript of my dream is as follows: (Note- Original French transcript has been machine translated to English so there may be some errors)
Travis: Wow you’re a lot shorter than even the text books make you out to be. How do you feel about that?
Napoleon: I realize of my stature and there if you consider to be something badly with it, then you, my good Sir, am welcome to leave with it.
Travis: Oh I’ve got nothing against short people such as yourself. Ok well maybe one little thing… You all walk around with an attitude… like you got a chip on your shoulder. Also, I’ve found short men to typically be louder and more rude.
Napoleon: Be you showing me to have a hardening runs?!
Travis: I’m not accusing you of having hardening runs! I’m just saying that short men always act tough and walk around with a scowl on their face. You are aware that because of your reputation, historians and psychologists alike name this behavior displayed by short men the, “Napoleon Complex”.
Napoleon: Wisely choose your next words for them will be your last!
Travis: So how has being short affected your love life?
Napoleon: Your momentary answer will not save to you my anger-but to answer the your question-when you conquered Italy, conqueror a woman is well a remote esier.
Travis: On a scale from say 1-10, how easy is it to “conqueror a woman” being that you are, shall we say… inadequate?
Napoleon: You consider informed! More a remark like that and I ran you through!
Travis: You have time for one more question?
Napoleon: WHAT?!
Travis: Did they have to make that sword to scale?
—Unfortunately, at this point Napoleon charged me with his sword (think those funny little plastic cocktail swords) and I awoke from my dream. I cannot say that I actively look forward to seeing him again in my dreams as he is an aggressive little man and pretty poor conversation.—
Tune in tomorrow for some more more enlightenment on Fillet-of-Who.