Obscure Inq

Tom: Sands of Time (Prince of Persia series)

The Prince of Persia ability to change the flow of time around you with a magic sword. That was badass.

Tom, how often do you need to change the time around you? Is your life really that death-defying? - Travis

Travis, it’s not a matter of death defying, but a matter of satisfaction. I would punch so many people in the face and then just rewind with a smug smile on mine. - HP

Jake: Unreal shielding (Unreal Tournament)

The entire set of shield powerups from the Unreal Tournament series (although 3 was just a pretty letdown.) I’d love it if I could have 150 shields or something to protect me from oncoming traffic, bullets, wildebeests and whatnot. That, and the ability to respawn, but that’s not a powerup.

Tristan: Bullet Time (Max Payne series)

Max Payne-esque bullet time. I’m not sure if Max Payne was the first use of the concept in a video game, but it was the first one I saw, and I preferred their implementation of it to that of Enter the Matrix and the True Crime games.

Travis: The Blue Shell (Mario Kart Series)

I want the Blue Shell from Mario Kart. That way I could send it up to the first car in a slow line of traffic and blow their no-good pokey ass up. And if I couldn’t have that, I’d take the Bananas from Mario Kart to keep the frigging tailgaters off me. In fact, I wouldn’t complain about an unlimited supply of each. I promise I won’t abuse them.

Will: Yoshi (Super Mario Series)

While we all have fond memories of the way Super Mario Bros. taught us youngsters that it’s ok to experiment with mushrooms, I personally like a good ride. Ya know, a nice warm steed between my virtual legs. I think Yoshi was the quintessential embodiment of this type of video game power-up in his first appearance in Super Mario World. I really think it really adds a new level of intimidation. It basically says “Hey don’t mess with me lest my dinosaur/rhino/horse/swordfish/chocobo eat/stomp/trample/impale/maim you up the way your daddy should have but never did”

I would love the power-ups from Super Mario Bros 3, but I can’t say it’s my first choice. Seriously though, I’d love to be able to slap on a frog suit and breath underwater or grab a leaf and don a raccoon tail and fly away. Hell, even give me that whistle to summon a tornado to fly to far away locations. - HP

HP: Plasmids (Bioshock)

As I mentioned before, I’d love all those power-ups from Mario 3, but my real choice would be the Plasmids from BioShock. Let’s assume they did not drive me insane and I was not afraid of needles – they would be awesome! Walk up to your vending machine in the morning, ponder what you feel like today – Telekinesis? Pyrokinesis? Electricty? Shoot bees from your wrists? Or maybe that one plasmid that was cut from the final game, teleportation? It’d be great!

And, I’m not going to lie, I find myself in every day life snapping my fingers hoping something will catch fire.

Tucker: Ion Cannon (Command & Conquer)

Oh my dear christ child, who didn’t love the Ion Cannon in Command and Conquer: Tiberian Sun. Sometimes in the middle of a game, you would sit while things were building, and hover your mouse shakily over the Ion Cannon icon while you waiting for that abysmal sweeping timer to elapse so you could runstoppably smite your enemies once again from the sky. But sometimes, when that amazing computer love slave of yours told you “Ion Cannon ready” and you hadn’t thought of it, or even planned on having it’s devastating rape powers at your disposal, it was like a value pack of instant Christmas from Costco. Just add suffering. And it was completely unstoppable. Every other weapon could be stopped by a firestorm fence (after the expansion pack) because they were all sissy-ass missiles. But not the Ion Cannon. No way. It was a giant laser shot down from fucking SPACE. And it could take out an entire power plant with one shot. Orgasmic.

Tucker wants to rub his dick on a magic mushroom, there, i said it. - HP

I hate you all. Sometimes. - Tucker