Obscure Inq

Tom: Omega Pirate (Metroid: Prime)
I’m gonna throw down for the Omega Pirate, from Metroid: Prime. You came about halfway up his shin. He would stomp you, whack you around, and shoot radioactive lasers at you. When you shot him up and knocked some armor off, he’d go invisible and step into radioactive waste to recharge. During the fight, he would recharge his own health, and launch smaller (read: regular sized) Space Pirates at you. When (if) you finally killed him, he’d fall on you and turn your suit radioactive. Oddly enough, despite being the toughest boss of the game, he was only second to last in it. Go figure.

Travis: Razor/End Sequence (Need for Speed: Most Wanted)
The end of Need for Speed:Most Wanted. After you get your car back from that moron “Razor” you have to survive dozens of cop cars, helicopters, and barricades as you try to make your way to the half-finished bridge in order to get out of town. This takes place right after you _thought_ you finished the game by beating Razor. As hokey as most of the acting in the game was, I think it was the best attempt at a plot ever made by the Need for Speed series.

HP said…Racing games have stories?

Tom said…I think Travis is just crazy. Racing games don’t have stories, unless they’re a Fast & Furious movie game, at which point they just have shitty stories.

Will said…Absolutely racing games have stories… Does no one recall the genius narrative structure of Diddy Kong Racing, where our intrepid hero had to unlock the magical race tracks by taking first place each time? Each world had a respective boss race that ultimately lead to a fiery showdown with the evil Wizpig! Keep in mind that all this had to be done before Timber the tiger’s parents returned home to the island… No?… No one remembers that?

HP: William Birkin (Resident Evil 2)
William Birkin from Resident Evil 2. Creator of the G-Virus (which is worse than the T-Virus, you see), William injected himself when he was left for dead. The result? A hulking beast that kept mutating every time you encountered him. You probably fought him a good five times in the whole game. He starts off as a guy with a messed up arm carrying a lead pipe. He was slow, but strong. Eventually he sprouts a new head and his messed up arms forms 2 feet long claws. You had to be quick to avoid getting impaled. By the last boss fight, he was nothing but a giant blob with a bajillion teeth, trying to board your train and rip you to pieces. Protip: Save some grenade launcher ammo.

Tristan: Star Wolf (Star Fox 64)
This one goes all the way back to the Nintendo 64 (it hurts to think how long ago that thing came out). In Star Fox 64, if you can make it through hearing Peppy say “Do a barrel roll” a hundred times, eventually you’ll get to fight Star Wolf, a group of mercenaries that engage you in a dogfight. Star Fox 64 was one of my favorite games for N64, because I thought the ships handled very well for a flying game, and this really shows when you get to fight something that moves just like you do and doesn’t die in two hits. It was a good amount of challenge without being hard enough to make you bash your head on the TV.

Will: Gannondorf/Gannon (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)
I will forever defend the N64 as the platform to boast the best boss battles ever conceived. And as satisfying as it was to go head to head with Bobba Fett via _Shadows of the Empire_, I’m going to have to give it to _Ocarina of Time_. Every single boss fight in this game was nothing sort of phenomenal and each time your eyes caught sight of the next one in line… one phrase would undoubtedly come to mind… “SWEET GARDEN PEAS I’M F’d!” The most rewarding boss to defeat was naturally the last one, Gannondorf, who would toss energy balls for you to deflect back with the master sword. When he finally coughs up some healthy blood, it seems as though the Hero of Time has saved Hyrule for good. No sir that would be incorrect. You must then escape the collapsing castle with Princess Zelda gasping and screaming suggestively behind you. Well thank the good Din we made it out! But wait… something stirs ‘neath the rubble! It’s Gannon, a hideous abomination of darkness wielding some incredibly phallic blades. Some Light Arrows and some hearty chops to his equally phallic tail will eventually bring the foul creature to his knees. The first time I beat this game I’m pretty sure I was very much out of breath.

Larry: End Guy (Internet)
He was hard.

Tucker: First Boss (Hello Kitty Island Adventure)
Seriously, I can’t get past him for the life of me.

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