Interview with my Oven Manual
As a tribute to Mothers’ Day, and because of my lack of imagination, I have decided to interview the instruction manual for my oven.
Me: So what’s cookin’?
Oven Manual: Pies. For best results, bake pies in dark, rough or dull pans to produce a browner, crispier crust.
Me: Well…Thanks. Anyway, I was hoping I could ask you a few questions.
OM: Whatever your question about any GE major appliance, GE Answer Center information service is available to help.
Me: I’m starting to think this is going to be an interview with little substance.
OM: Gas appliances can cause minor exposure to 4 of these substances, namely benzene, carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, and soot, caused primarily by the incomplete combustion of natural gas or LP fuels.
Me: Well that’s not quite what I meant, but ok. So how are you with kids?
OM: CAUTION: Items of interest to children should not be stored in cabinets above an oven - children climbing on the oven to reach items could be seriously injured.
Me: I see. So you pretty much just want them to stay away from you?
OM: If meat is too close to the flame, the fat may ignite.
Me: Right, and we don’t want any burning babies running around.
OM: Thaw most frozen meat before roasting to ensure even doneness.
Me: Yeah, I wasn’t asking for baby-cooking instructions. Let’s try a new subject. How do you do with the ladies?
OM: The oven must be completely cool.
Me: Indeed it must. On that note, what’s one piece of advice you can leave our readers with today?
OM: Do not use your oven to dry newspapers.
Me: A helpful tip indeed. Thanks for your time.
Seriously?
“Do not use your oven to dry newspapers.”
Thats got to make the giant list of dumb warning labels…