Interview with Tucker of Commercial Upright
Hey Tucker, it’s an honor that you granted us this exclusive interview.
Yeah, well that’s your opinion.
How are things going?
How did you get into my apartment.
I think our readers would appreciate if you didn’t answer questions with questions.
That was a statement.
Moving beyond that… Your blog, Commercial Upright, recently was requested to become a part of the new Obscure Inq project, how do you feel about that?
Let’s put it this way, if I was operating a donkey farm and one day I woke up and there was an elephant in the donkey pen, I could imagine that would elicit the same reaction.
And what reaction would that be?
Dude, I don’t know what you want from me. I can put a shoebox on my lap and do a puppet show if you want.
Please don’t.
Alright. Your loss.
How would you describe your personal writing style?
Probably like if Pac-Man and Rambo had a baby. And then that baby was incarcerated in solitary confinement for 5 years. Then upon its release was locked in a liquor store. Upon passing out face down on the tile, it’s outstretched hand slapped onto a typewriter. And as it shook feverishly, it’s hand struck keys in a sequence that the five-oh later found and published into the police report. And that police report was scanned by a Hispanic secretary who errantly emailed it to an acquaintance who owned a website. Purely accidentally that scan was published to the internet.
That doesn’t make any sense.
Yeah, well you get what you give.
Your critics don’t believe that you have the ability to meet a structured schedule, and that your day on the project will undoubtedly fail. Comments?
They’re right.
Oh, ok. Um, what other internet writings have inspired you in the paa… dear god put your pants back on.
Dude, I have to go to work. It’s not my fault you’re in my room.
It’s Sunday.
Then I need a beer. Since your up?
I’m not up.
Doesn’t matter.
You’re horribly unprofessional. I think this interview is over.
Don’t project your sucking at life on me.
Goodbye, Tucker. Thanks for your time.
Bye asshole.