7 Events That Should Be Included In The Olympics
Will
How about a women’s event that calls for each athlete to perform various sexual feats on me? As founder of the sport, I would naturally be judging the routines based on difficulty, form, and the extreme mental stamina necessary to control one’s laughter when I present my genitals.
Otherwise I’d be sure to give the guys some sort of medal….
Travis
I’d say ping pong, but that is already included. How about LARPing? I mean, those guys and gals are battle-hardened. They spend countless hours working on their weapons, costumes and special abilities. And we all know, in order to spend countless hours on something you have to be dedicated, just like those Olympic athletes. Don’t believe me? Watch this very convincing video and tell me those aren’t the finest human specimens you’ve seen in a long time if not ever.
LARPing is not a sport, I don’t care what that guy over down at Taco Bell with the big tits says. - HP
Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! - Travis
Tristan
Chess-boxing. It’s a little freaky, and I didn’t think it was real at first, but apparently somebody decided to combine chess and boxing. This sport combines the grueling mental chess game with the physical mind-numbing sport of boxing. Players have to keep their wits alive as they take blow after blow to the head, just so they can survive the following round of chess. What better combination of brains and brawn?
HP
I think the problem is that everyone spends all their time specializing in one event rather than becoming the best you can at everything you can. I want to see merged events, such as the gymnast/skeet shoot (the gymnasts are the skeet) or the crew/archery race (each boat has an archer, tries to kill other boat).
Okay, really, I just want the normal Olympics but where people shoot at other people.
Not quite like this but they are run and shoot.
Skeet skeet skeet skeet - HP
Jake
This isn’t terribly different from HP’s, but I’m looking at more of an actual free-for-all beatdown event. Basically, put a bunch of people in a “normal” environment (office, house, park, whatever) and have the person who walks out the winner. Either that, or have a beatdown event where all you’re given is Nerf™(c)(we’ll sue your ass) weapons. That would take way more effort to win, so it may be more entertaining.
Tom
I like HP’s idea, but I think we should take it further. Like, say, two wooden pirate-style ships duke it out. Or, barring that, some sort of event where two women have sex, and are judged by the difficulty of various techniques, the creativity of positions, and the sheer impressiveness of the resulting orgasms.
Tucker
I would vote for the introduction of weight classes in the diving competition. And each country would have to provide at least 3 divers for each weight class. Now let’s see… where would the cutoff be? Yeah, that sounds fair. How about <250 and >250. Basically I’m saying I want a fatties only diving competition.
Yes, I know you know which video is coming.
How about the normal Olympics, with the minor alteration that all contestants must maintain a BAC of 0.15%? I think that’s enough to make things loopy without them puking for the entire event. - Tristan